


Of Potions and Rodents and Longevity

by Bassarid



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, In a way, Kinda Crack, M/M, Magical Realism, Shapeshifting, a bit of angst, animal death mentioned, rodents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 09:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14494164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bassarid/pseuds/Bassarid
Summary: Phichit has bought a potion that's supposed to turn him into a hamster for a day.Chris is not amused, but Phichit is an unstoppable force.Almost unstoppable.





	Of Potions and Rodents and Longevity

“You're joking, aren't you? This is a prank?”

Phichit gave him an affronted look.

“I'd never joke about something as important as this!”

Chris gave the tiny bottle in Phichit's hand a sceptical look. It was simple brown glass with a stopper in, much like the ones used in old-fashioned apothecaries.

“You can't just drink something a potential serial killer gave you on the street.”

It just made Phichit roll his eyes.

“It was merchant in a stall, not a potential serial killer,” he protested, but Chris just shook his head.

“Everyone is a potential serial killer, Petit, that's what 'potential' means.”

“But what if it works? Just for a day he said...”

The longing with which Phichit stared at his mysterious purchase was plain to see, and Chris doubted that there was anything he could say to stop him.

“This is such a bad idea, Petit. Please reconsider.”

Phichit looked up and gave him a very sober look. It was clear he'd already made up his mind.

“What would you do if you could turn into a cat for a day? Wouldn't you do it?”

He had a point there. Chris sighed.

“Yes, I'd be tempted. But Phichit, love, you know this can't work, right?”

“Well, if it won't, then it won't. Nothing much lost. I've still got the receipt, anyway.

Chris gave a helpless snort.

“A receipt from a street stall selling magical potions?”

In response, Phichit just produced a slip of paper from a pocket and held it out to Chris.

“ _Potion – hamster_. You really paid 50 bucks for this?” he asked incredulously.

“It'll be worth it. And you're hear now, so if anything goes wrong, I'll be in good hands.” Phichit beamed, completely confident in his plan, apparently.

“Shall I dial the poison control centre right away?”

He wanted to close his eyes as Phichit unstopped the bottle and brought it to his lips, but watched anyway. Briefly he thought about knocking it out of Phichit's hand, but then it was too late already.

“Tastes like herbs.” Phichit smacked his lips while Chris looked up who to contact in case of an emergency. Both of them waited, Phichit for the magic to happen, and Chris for any sign of ill effects. Nothing happened for a while, and Chris relaxed, though of course, some things were slow to react.

“Anything?” he asked as Phichit just stood there, frowning very slightly.

“Hmm – maybe a bit of a ting...”

There was an odd noise, like the pop in your ears during changes in pressure, and then there he sat. There hadn't been any shrinking, no growing of hair or weird, extended bulging and shifting from one form to the other, nothing dramatic at all. One moment Phichit stood there, the next...

“Weeeek?”

For a second, Chris just stood there and stared, wondering if this was a good first time in his life to faint.

Then he burst out laughing.

“Weeeeeeeek!”

He was doubling over, laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes and he had to take off his glasses to stop them from falling off.

“You should ask for your money back, petit Petit.” He sank down onto the carpet next to Phichit, still laughing. It was preferable to fainting or screaming, after all.

Phichit was not a hamster.

“You make an adorable guinea pig, though.”

Phichit started an astonishingly loud string of angry weeekweeeeeks, but this, too, was merely adorable, and Chris started to laugh again, before cautiously extending a hand to pat Phichit's very furry little head. Phichit let himself be scooped up in Chris' hands, so Chris could have a better look at him. He did not know guinea pig breeds well, but surely Phichit was the sweetest little rodent in existence, all long, silky black hair with a few cream-coloured patches.

“You are the prettiest guinea pig I've ever seen, but I do hope this will pass.”

“Weeeek!”

Chris shook his head.

“An angry guinea pig is no less adorable, you know?”

“Week.” It sounded almost like a sigh, and Chris scratched him gently behind the head, before pressing a small kiss to Guinea-Phichit's forehead. Phichit clambered up his sleeve and onto his shoulder, nuzzling his neck.

“Are you scared?” Chris put one hand behind the guinea pig's rump, so he wouldn't fall off by accident, then slowly got up. Phichit gave another squeak that sounded much like the equivalent of a shrug.

“So, what now?” He tried to remember what guinea pig's liked, a friend of his from way back had had one, but Chris thought he'd better look it up on his phone, anyway. “Want some cucumber? No innuendo, I won't flirt with a rodent.”

“Weeeek!” It sounded outraged, but then was followed by a softer squeak.

“Cucumber sound good after all?”

 

* * *

 

Guinea pigs were too small to be cuddled properly, Chris thought, as they were lying on the couch, Phichit on Chris' chest. Cats were the proper size, but he wouldn't rub it in, so he said nothing, just kept patting the small, soft creature.

Guinea-Phichit was still definitely Phichit, though, as soon as Chris had taken out his phone, he'd been posing magnificently for all the pictures Chris took. He kept waddling around excitedly on his short legs, posing on Chris' shoulder, his head, chomping on the cucumber and the dandelion leaves Chris had found in the backyard.

He was asleep now, still adorable, but Chris definitely wanted human Phichit back. He tried not to expect the worst, but a part of him was already planning for it.

First thing to do if Phichit didn't turn back soon enough, was to find that merchant and give him a piece of his mind.

If he couldn't find him though...

He looked up how long guinea pigs usually lived and felt his throat tighten at the information.

Of course he would care for Guinea-Phichit, in fact he was already wondering how to make his apartment guinea-pig accessible. But he prayed it wouldn't come to this.

For a moment he wondered how Phichit's hamsters would react to him in this form, but the thought was just too absurd. And then he wondered in horror how he could possibly explain to Phichit's family, to their friends. It was his fault for not stopping Phichit, in a way.

Maybe they'd just think he'd gone insane.

“Oh Petit. Please come back.”

 

* * *

 

He woke up from the sudden weight on top of him, startled and disorientated.

“I'm back!”

“Phichit! I...” Chris frowned. “That wasn't just a weird dream, was it?”

“A guinea-pig! What a sham.”

Chris sat up and pulled Phichit close.

“You're back.”

“Yeah, and first thing tomorrow, I'll find that guy and make him give me the right potion.”

Chris froze.

He let go of Phichit, held him at arm's length to look at him, see if he was just joking.

“You can't be serious.”

“But Chris, it worked, it was just the wrong potion, I... Chris?” Phichit gave him a worried look and Chris looked away.

“Please don't.” He wiped at his tears, surprised at them himself, and slightly embarrassed as well. It had been a long time since anyone had seen him cry. “Phichit, if you get stuck as a hamster...” He took a deep breath. “Hamsters are so short lived. You of all people know that.” His sister had had a hamster once. It had lived for about a year, and his sister had been inconsolable when it had died. Panic suddenly gripped him. He hadn't been able to convince Phichit not to do this, he wouldn't be able to change his mind now, either. “Please, I can't bear the thought of losing you. I love you.”

“Chris...”

Phichit cupped his face in his hands and coaxed Chris to look at him.

“I love you, too. Alright, silly. I won't. I doubt it'll be that different from being a guinea-pig, anyway.” He pressed his lips to Chris' for a moment, before pulling him close against his chest and stroking his hair. It took a moment for Chris to calm down, clinging to Phichit like a lifeline. “I didn't mean to scare you,” Phichit muttered into his hair. “I won't do it, I promise.”

“Thank you.” His voice was still quavering slightly, but the panic had subsided.

“Think you can send me all those pictures?” Phichit asked after another moment. Chris smiled.

“Already taken care of.”

“You know me so well.”

Phichit shifted into a slightly more comfortable position, stretching his legs out and pulling Chris down with him. Chris stretched out beside him and put his head onto Phichit's chest again, dozing off as Phichit stroked his head, phone in his other hand, going through the pictures Chris had sent him, no doubt.

“Do you think I can convince Yuuri that this is me?” he asked after a moment of silence, and Chris blinked sleepily, then looked at a picture of Phichit trying to stand on his hind legs and attempting to strike a pose that was definitely something from _The King and the Skater._

The next picture showed him falling over right after.

Chris yawned.

“If anyone will believe you, I'm sure it's Yuuri.”

Phichit laughed softly.

“Yeah.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the cutest guinea pig at a pet shop a while ago, and I think it prompted this.
> 
> Comments and kudos highly appreciated.


End file.
